Welcome back to another episode of Crossover Battles. In this episode, we’ll pit 2 of the multiverse’s most meme-worthy characters: Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars and Scrappy-Doo from Scooby-Doo, to see which one can outmatch the other. But before we can do that, we need to take a look at their stats, however meager they are. Starting us off:
Contestant 1: Jar Jar Binks
In this corner, hailing from the planet Naboo, we have Jar Jar Binks from the Star Wars universe!
Jar Jar Binks is a male Gungan of unknown age. His hometown is Otoh Gunga of Naboo, but his leader, Boss Nass, banished him for crashing the latter’s personal submarine. Somehow, after that, he ends up commanding an army against the Trade Federation at Naboo. The prestige from that lands him the role of representative of Naboo at the Senate. He fought bravely in the Clone Wars, and cab be a loyal friend, but he is best remembered for his role in the downfall of the Republic. In fact, that’s all anyone remembers him for anymore.
Jar Jar Binks measures 1.96 meters (~6′ 5″) tall, and weighs 66 kg (~145.5 lbs). Like all Gungans, he is amphibious. He can breathe water as easily as he can breathe air. Also like all Gungans, he has a long, sticky tongue that he uses to grab food with like a chameleon. As we can see when he sticks it out to its full length, it seems to be at least several feet long.
In terms of skillset, Jar Jar Binks has a surprising array of skills. He can pilot a bongo sub (albeit badly), and he’s knowledgeable enough about Naboo’s watery core (yes, that’s real) to guide people through it. He’s extremely clumsy in any fight, and is hazardous to friend and foe alike. However, he has the luck of the devil with him, as we saw during the Battle of Naboo.
Also, fun fact: Jar Jar Binks has actually wielded a lightsaber. Once. Although actually, it was more like he held it lit without killing or even injuring himself before he handed it off to someone saner. To be fair though, the fact that he could do that is an impressive feat in of itself.
Contestant 2: Scrappy-Doo
In the other corner, hailing from god knows where, is Scrappy-Doo from the Scooby-Doo universe.
Scrappy-Doo is theoretically a male Great Dane puppy with light brown fur and black eyes, and Scooby-Doo’s nephew. Contrary to popular belief, his middle name isn’t “Dappy”. In fact, he doesn’t have a middle name at all. He is simply Scrappy-Doo, born of Scooby’s sister, Ruby-Doo, at St. Bernard’s Memorial Hospital.
Like Scooby, Scrappy can speak English despite being a dog. Although Scrappy’s English is much better than Scooby’s…whatever it is he’s speaking. Unlike Scooby though, Scrappy regularly walks on his hind legs. Also unlike his uncle, Scrappy has an enthusiastically aggressive personality. As in: he’s willing and eager to take on “monsters” many times his size in fisticuffs. To be fair though, he has shown that he’s strong enough to be able to carry both Scooby and Shaggy while running, so maybe there’s something to his claims about Puppy Power.
Also, despite his personality, Scrappy is actually pretty intelligent when he has an opportunity to show it. In Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers, Scrappy was the one who figured out the clues left by Shaggy’s uncle. Heck, he even surreptitiously picked up a suspicious item dropped by a suspicious butler and hid it. Honestly, if he didn’t seem to turn into a little Blood Knight around monsters, he could be a Genius Bruiser.
The “Battle”
Even though this is an April Fools’ Edition battle, we still need to keep to tradition with a certain announcer:
Normally, we want to assume equal skill levels for each contestant. However, in this case, Jar Jar Binks and Scrappy-Doo’s skill level are essential parts of their character. Thus, we have to leave them intact for this fight.
Like always though, the battlefield still plays a critical role in the outcome of this fight. For this fight, we need the plainest, most level stage possible. Considering that this is a Crossover Battle though, I think a battlefield from a certain series of crossover fighting games is an appropriate choice. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about: it’s the Final Destination stage of the Super Smash Bros. series of video games.
Scenario: Final Destination
At first glance, it seems like Jar Jar Binks has the advantage here. He’s much taller and heavier than Scrappy, with a much longer reach. Heck, Binks has that extra-long tongue, and given Scrappy’s small size, it looks like Binks could even eat Scrappy if he wanted to. It really doesn’t seem like there’s much hope for the little Great Dane thing.
That is, until you consider Scrappy’s strength. Being able to carry both an adult Great Dane and a more or less adult human while still being able to run at a good speed is no joke for someone of Scrappy’s size. A male Great Dane weighs between 120-200 lbs, while a 17-year old boy like Shaggy should weigh around 150 lbs. That means that even at minimum, Scrappy was carrying 270 lbs of weight. A 2-month old Great Dane puppy should weigh 15-30 lbs. This means Scrappy was carrying anywhere from 9-18 times his own body weight, while still moving at a good clip. He really wasn’t kidding with his Puppy Power, was he?
Thus, Scrappy should be able to literally pick up and toss Jar Jar Binks around like a stuffed toy. With his Puppy Power strength, the little Great Dane pup can toss the Gungan right off the stage. While Binks has a long and sticky tongue, he’s never been able to hold anywhere near his own body weight with it. Thus, he can’t use it to catch the edge of the stage to hang on, even assuming that his clumsiness doesn’t get in the way. Even if the Gungan were to strike first with his tongue, Scrappy is still big enough punch out Binks through his skull if he tried to eat him.
Thus, I give the fight to Scrappy-Dappy-Doo!
Conclusion
Scrappy-Doo wins this round of April Fools’ Crossover Battle against Jar Jar Binks. Puppy power wins against…whatever it is Binks has. Which isn’t much. Maybe Jar Jar Binks needs to go on a Scrappy regimen if he wants a chance in a Round 2.
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