Cosmic Sin – A Sin On Netflix Indeed [Review]

Have you ever done something and about 10-15 minutes in realized you are committing one of the gravest mistakes of your life? Yeah, I wish it took me that long to realize this movie is an absolute piece of trash! My mind instantly jumped back into the 80s. The VCR was new and the war raged between VHS and Beta. The advent of the home entertainment system meant you no longer needed major Hollywood stars and backing to make a movie. You just needed a little bit of cash and you could go straight to VHS.

The rage of the 80s rested in cheap sword and sandal and martial arts movies. Who needs big names? All you needed were some guys that could jump and spin or someone waving swords around the intermittent nude woman (pre-PG-13, so if you were an R back then you included a needless topless scene). Cosmic Sin makes those look like Academy Award winning films! To Bruce Willis (or your Agent) what the hell were you thinking?!

A Whole Lotta Nothing

I can sum up the entire movie by saying it 100% sucked! There was not a single redeeming quality to it, but let’s break it down and start with the acting. This movie stars Bruce Willis! The guy who beat Alan Rickman, Jeremy Irons, Sam Jackson, and a planet killing asteroid, just laid a massive egg. Well, maybe I should say 1/3 of an egg, since he is barely in the movie at all. He shows up for a couple scenes then disappears again. Every scene he’s in he never utters more than two consecutive lines. Lou Ferrigno had more dialogue as the Hulk than Bruce Willis did here. Even his attempts to look bad ass failed. Sorry, Bruce, at 67 it just doesn’t work anymore.

As for Frank Grillo, he did a great job as Crossbones in the Marvel world. He was descent in Boss Level, but here? Total crap. I can’t tell how much was bad acting and how much was bad scripting. The fault lies with both I think, but I’ll throw more blame on the terrible scripting. Beyond that they must have scraped the depths of the acting cesspool for this one. There was zero chemistry, humor or pull toward any of these characters. CJ Perry tried to play a tough, female, bad-ass commando ala Gina Carano in Mandalorian. She didn’t succeed. Brandon Thomas Lee and Corey Large were even worse.

Cosmic Sin – The Acting Was the Best Part

The headline says it all. As terrible as the acting was, it remains the best part. Edward Drake, the Director (and co-writer with Corey Large) needs to be banned from a camera for the rest of their lives. The script was absolutely atrocious! The story and scenes ran all over the place. No character development was ever involved, and this movie went exactly as you know it will. I almost turned this thing off five times, but I made myself sit through it. At one point, Willis character, known for nuking an entire planet out of existence might have an epiphany.

Through weird incomprehensible dreams, it looked like Willis might realize the aliens they were trying to exterminate might actually be peaceful. Nope. Continue with extermination. Why? Because they might be evil and exterminate us first….MIGHT. Grillo and Lee are supposed to be father/son, but they throw that in for one scene and never have the two interact again until the end when Grillo sacrifices himself. Leave that scene to Armageddon – you failed. (I would say spoiler, but I’m doing you a favor. Trust me.)

They threw in a couple of possible love stories to play with, but each one was only mentioned once and there was zero chemistry between the characters. When people died in this movie, you were thankful there was one less performance you had to suffer through.

Cosmic Sin – Designing the Trash

How about movie design? Again, total failure. First off the success of the movie revolves around blowing up the Stargate in space. Please come up with something original. The futuristic spacesuits they wore? They were massive metal made torsos that looked incredibly cumbersome, and it must have sucked acting in them, much less believing what these suits can do. A machine ripped a hole in space/time and threw our crew through it in these suits. They are space worthy, atmospheric reentry worthy and crash landing worthy, yet there is nothing to them! You have the giant chest piece, a small bicep piece, bracers, thigh guards, and boots. The belly, back, butt and upper thighs are all exposed. These look terrible, and I won’t even go into how bad the gun use was in this P.O.S..

What do the aliens look like? Something out of Dungeons & Dragons or a ninja movie to be honest. They wear all leather suits that look like ninja get-ups, and hoods to conceal their faces. They walk like humans but do nothing but screech like animals.

I can name several movies I did not like, but this movie stands out as completely irredeemable on every single level. Do yourself a favor and start a drinking game. Every time you utter the phrase ‘Oh this is bad’ take a drink. Not only will you thankful pass out in the first 30 minutes (Andre the Giant couldn’t outdrink this movie), but you will save yourself from having to watch this interstellar wreck of a movie. Oh and if you want a rating? There isn’t one because we can’t do negatives.