SPOILERS & SARCASM: Fans Rejoice As Crappy 80’s Superman Movie Villain Becomes Comic Cannon

0 Shares

In 1987, Industry giant and humanitarian Ilya Salkind released an independent film called Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, a powerful film that held a mirror to a world on the brink of nuclear war. The film grossed a mere $15,681,020 against a 17million dollar budget and, although considered a failure by Hollywood standards, the movie changed the landscape of world politics forever; treaties were signed, missiles were disarmed, an a single world government, based on freedom and equality for all, was established and adopted by all the nations of Earth. Since it’s release, this hollowed film has garnered a seemingly infinite amount of awards; everything from Golden Globes to the Novel Peace Prize For Physics has the name Superman IV: The Quest for Peace written on it. And until today, one honor has left to be bestowed.

For 29 years fans and humans alike have filed petitions, begged senators, wrote letters, and sacrificed loved ones and pets in order to make their dreams a reality (Editor’s note: the world populace took 1993 and 2012 off for religious reasons). That dream is to bring the Nuclear Man, the antagonist of S4:TQ4P, as the young kids call it these days, into comic book continuity.

Shortly after the movie, some obscure artist named Curt Swan gave it a shot, but sadly, DC ordered the comic to be released under the banner of “A DC Movie Special”, and not a story that fits in the tightly organized and carefully controlled Superman comics continuity. Fans got a taste of a comic book Nuclear Man, but still dreamed of more.

And today, that dream becomes a reality in Superman #2.

Last month, Brian Michael Bendis, Executive Head of Comics and Funny Pages At DC Comics, Incorporated Industries made then announcement at Giants Stadium in order accommodate all the press. Standing on a mock-up of the Lion King rock structure, his bald head catching just the right amount of light to give him a sunburn, Bendis released the first image of the Nuclear Man’s comic book mock-up to The Great Twitt’r, who accepted his offering by making it rain over the Southern Deserts Of Ash for three days.

Bendis was flanked by the Gene Hackman who played Lex Luthor, the creator and voice of the Nuclear Man, and  Jon Cryer, who played the soon-to-be failed teenage actor, John Cryer in the iconic movie. In follow up interviews, Gene Hackman made the statement, “Please, stop telling everyone I’m dead. I’m not.” Which was followed by the hilarious new quip from Jon Cryer’s that instantly became a viral meme, “This movie ruined my career. Seriously, look at IMDB, I was a star till this, now I dance like a monkey for laugh tracks.”

Sadly, Oscar Winning actor Mark Pillow couldn’t be there as he was speaking to the UN Council On Foreign Policy and definitely not down on his luck, stripping around a garbage fire for scraps of roast beef.

(Seriously, that guy was a Chippendale’s Dancer- No Judgements, Just saying.)

The All-Seeing-All-Knowing-Bendis did not say where or when this sacred character would appear… and so we waited with baited breath, until today.

A well kept secret by all involved, fans were shocked with delight and actual electricity when comic stores opened today, revealing that for $3.99 you can see the Nuclear Man make his entrance and exit in DC cannon. In less than 12 panels that fall between 3 pages, the Nuclear Man, in all his glory, shows up, gets the snot beat out of him, then explodes, dying at the hands of, not Superman, but a villain by the terrible name of Rogol Zaar. In fact, he never shares a frame with the title character in a red cape. Talk about fan service!!! Am I right people?

Finally, America, Nay- the world, can breath a sign of relief, as after decades of waiting, fans finally have what they always wanted; a brief cameo from the villain of an old, crappy Superman movie showing up in the comics for a few panels, getting his head popped like balloon, and dying in a mushroom cloud of his own filth.

Also, Anyone else notice that “DC Comics” sounds like “Dick Comics” if you read it phonetically?!

 Marc Staal Authentic Jersey