Quest For Player 2: F**ck F.O.R. – The Fear of Rejection

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If you’re new to Quest For Player 2, we are That Hashtag Shows Nerd Dating Advice Podcast where we share our most embarrassing stories, the dos and don’ts, as well as our triumphs/fails of dating; all while navigating this wild world on their own personal quests to find their Player 2.

This a recent episode, your players discuss one of the scariest parts of dating, Rejection; as well as the fear of being rejected (F.O.R.) Take a listen to this important two-part episode.

QUEST 5: Rejection – F*ck F.O.R. Part 1

QUEST 5: Rejection – F*ck F.O.R. Part 2

Love and Rejection, these two subjects can go hand and hand. Though the prior is what everyone wants it’s the later that everyone has actually experienced. The real question is, “How do I deal with the later; how do I deal with rejection?” Well, I’ll tell you this; there is no magic wand that can be waived and no tools of the trade to avoid it. Rejection is a part of life; it happens and you have to move on. However, hopefully this little tidbit of info will help you cope with the rejection that comes your way.

Now, before we even get to rejection we should address what got you here. Sometimes it’s a friendzone issue. Other times it’s just that you don’t mesh with a person; compatibility is usually the biggest factor.

As I said earlier, rejection is a part of life. It will happen to everyone at some point in their existence. I’m reminded of a phrase my psych teacher used to tell us about rejection, “No matter who you are; no matter how sexy, smart, fit, tall, dark, handsome, or jaw droppingly beautiful you may be. There is someone out there that is tired of fucking you or never wants the opportunity to arise.”

So let’s say you are in a relationship or you were “courting” your Quest-mate and you get the dreaded “I just don’t like you that way.” Well, this would be that thing I spoke of earlier: rejection. Remember you aren’t everyone’s candy bar. Some people don’t even like chocolate. So now that ego’s have been put out of the way let’s discuss what to do next.

There is a school of thought that says, “There is no greater pain that you can survive that’s more intense, more harsh, and near death than heartbreak.” I say to see it as “there is no greater teacher than heartbreak.” Take rejection as a teaching tool. For example: before they tell you that dreaded line we just mentioned, there were signs (little hints) and if you are too caught up with your own point of view on this love interest becoming more than a crush you may never notice them.

  1. Lack of interest. Most people don’t notice this. If your Quest-mate doesn’t make a conscious effort to communicate with you, spend time with you, or even initiate some interest in more that what you suggest…you may want to rethink your love quest-mate.
  2. Unaware of your interest. If your Quest-mate happens to show more attention to someone else INFRONT of you. It can mean that they want you to know they aren’t interested, but just don’t want to be perceived as the “the bad guy”. It’s also possible this person is unaware you are interested in them at all. You may want to make your interest known to them. Quest-mate’s aren’t mind readers.
  3. Too friendly to say what they feel. When you did make plans did they always accept/agree in person, but cancel over the phone or via text. This may be that they are unsure in how to say no and they need the buffer of time, distance, or indirect communication to do so. Which means they may feel pressured to accept the invitation when it’s offered in person, but nonetheless are not actually interested
  4. You’re someone totally different in person. Your team game is phenomenal, but your One-on-one is garbage. You’re the one person with a spotlight on them under the big-top when it’s you and friends, but you can’t keep the spark of interest when it’s just you and your Quest-mate. This may not make people initially say no, but eventually send them running. Learn to be the group person on solo-missions.

Even with all of this, you have to be cognizant of the fact that YOU CAN’T change your Quest-mate’s mind. You can show them more of who you are after the rejection, and as time passes they may end up changing their mind about how they feel about you. This, ladies and gentleman, had nothing to do with you, but everything to do with that person; they changed their own mind, not you.

So all-in-all, the LOVE and REJECTION go hand in hand. There is NO separation. Don’t get me wrong, falling in love does not mean you will automatically be rejected. Just keep in mind that rejection happens and it can happen to you, but IT’S JUST REJECTION. It’s a no. Two letters that can mean the world or end your world. Learn from it, grow with it, and live life.

I like to say this old adage “I may not be everyone’s cup of tea… And that’s fine because I’d rather be someone’s shot of Whiskey.” All it means is that you may not be for everyone. It doesn’t mean you aren’t for SOMEone. They’re out there and you may get a million “No’s”, but all you need is that one yes. And when it happens all those “No’s” will be worth it.

 

Make sure to join Quest For Player 2 next week as your Players discuss why opposites attract and why sometimes dating a Muggle can be a struggle!

You can listen to Quest For Player 2 on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher, Player.FM, or even straight from out website. Make sure to RATE and REVIEW the podcast on your preferred platform! Join us every week as we discuss the wild world of dating and make sure to send us your dating stories!

 

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