Crappy Star Wars Battlefront 2 Releases Crappy Schedule For Crappy Clone Wars DLC, New Modes & Other Crap

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In order to perpetually staunch the bleeding from the open wound that is the Star Wars Battlefront series, EA is offering new DLC for whatever sad fans are still lying to themselves that this is a good game.

A DLC roadmap has been released and we now know the schedule for all the sad content you’ll probably download, play once, then never touch again. EA experienced delays (waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh?!?!!?!?!?!!) a few times over these additions, but we finally have solid dates (that will get pushed again) for some exciting stuff (for you to get disappointed in) coming your way.

Looking down the line, they’ve taken some of Star Wars’ most mediocre elements and made them into even more mediocre playable content. Who doesn’t want to relive the blandness of The Clone Wars, or pay for the disappointment of Solo: A star Wars Story?! Fans will clamor for more of the “why are we even advertising this” ability to turn character’s lightsabers on and off at will. WOW!!!! Just what this game needs to cover up, er, fix the multitude of bad decisions, terrible gameplay, dull content, and complete lack of fun or originality. But now that I can turn my lightsaber on and off with the convents push of a button, I’m sure to have a fun!!!

Just look at how exciting this Han Solo footage looks (just like all the other Battlefront stuff, with different skins based on a movie few liked.)

Alright, let’s take a closer look at what ol’ EA has got for us.

First up, in July, is a new game mode called “Hero Starfighters,” where 2 teams of 4 can go head to head in spaceship battles with famous Star Wars ships! Minutes of fun for everyone!!! I can’t wait to play Poe’s T70 and then the Millennium Falcon for literally seconds before returning to the X-Wing or Tie Fighter over and over again! Along with improvements to PVP Hero Showdown, Lightsaber deflecting will now cost stamina, and you can change the appearance of your character!!! That’s right, that option that almost every other game has offered you for the past decade or so finally comes to Star Wars Battlefront 2! And don’t worry, if you’re itchy trigger finger has been hoping to push a button to continually turn your lightsaber on and off, well, wait no longer! Cause that will be included in this first round, as well! Let’s definatly advertise this feature! What fun!! EA can’t lose!!! 5th Best Worst Company ever!!

How much did you love the Clone Wars? You didn’t?! Well, EA apparently doesn’t know that because in August, we’re getting some free Clone Wars DLC, and some not-free-you-have-to-pay-for-who-is-gonna-buy-this-shit victory poses and emotes!!

But EA isn’t done yet! Get ready, cause in the fall players can get… MORE CLONE WARS DLC!!!!!! Why do something different when you can re-tread old stuff that no one wanted in the first place?! Playable Obi-Wan Kenobi and General Grievous characters will become available, as well as a “Squad System” for you and your friends to not-enjoy this game together. Finally, another mode will be introduced, which is rumored to be like the old “Galactic Conquest” from the previous (and better) series of Battlefront games.

Down the line, you’ll be able to play as Count Dooku, Anakin Skywalker, and yet more Clone Trooper skins. And a brand new map for the hotly anticipated by no-one, Geonosis.

If you want to see more of our review of the revamped Battlefront Series check it out here.

Note: The writer of this article bought loved the original battlefront series and bought the revamp in 2015, played it for 3 hours, than never touched it again. In 2017, the writer got really excited by the previews of the campaign for the sequel Battlefront 2 and, despite himself, got really excited, only to learn a hard lesson after buying the damn thing and realizing that although they promised a great story, innovative levels, new game play, and an Empire storyline… none of that was really in the game and EA’s sole purpose was to take that man’s money and shatter his dreams. Johnny Bower Jersey

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