[FUNNY] Krypton Family Tree

To the layperson or casual fan, the fact that Superman has a grandfather might come as somewhat of a surprise, but hardcore aficionados of the series know the House of El has a rich history. There are many fan favorites that appear in various back-stories in the comic books or another canon to draw from for potential guest stars in the TV show, Krypton. Here are a few I am hoping will make the leap from the printed page to the idiot box:

 

  • “I’m gonna haul ass to Lolapalooza!

    Aunt Agnes-El – Seg’s wise-cracking, elderly great aunt. She’s always giving Seg the business about not being a real man or living up to the standards of his forbearers. Hilarious catchphrase: “That boy ain’t right!”

  • Alan-El – a former Krypton boy scout leader, now prevented from being within 1000 feet of Seg-El or any other Kryptonians under the age of 18. He won’t let that stop him and constantly tries his best to lure Seg into his space van with offers of free porno mags and backrubs.
  • Steve-El – assistant manager at space Arby’s. Fired for dealing drugs out of the drive-thru window.
  • Jody-El – Self-published a book on “Extreme Couponing.” Carries dark secret that he once ran over an elderly woman because he was masturbating while driving his car. Fled the scene and the crime remains unsolved to this day.
  • Bord-El – Dark and gothic. Fancied himself some sort of ‘Prince of Darkness” and preyed on young Kryptonian women with low self-esteem. After he dropped out of college, he gained significant weight, lost his hair and still hangs out at Denny’s with the high school drama club kids.
  • Starla-El – Distant cousin of Seg-El from the rural, backwoods area of Krypton. Born with a genetic defect that gives her an extra-large anal cavity that contributes to her being an ideal drug mule.
  • Janet-El – Successful pharmacist, recently fired from her job for posting on social media that “I’m sorry,  but I’m just being real: you have to admit that everybody from East Krypton looks the same.”
  • Russell Crowe – Australian.RC

Latest Comments

  1. Eric Filipkowski March 7, 2018
  2. Jody Bennett March 7, 2018

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